


Scars and Lessons

by CatelynJones



Series: The Kids Aren't Alright [1]
Category: Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types, Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare, Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments (Movies)
Genre: Aro Isabelle Lightwood, Bad Parent Maryse Lightwood, Bad Parent Robert Lightwood, Canon Compliant, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Family Fluff, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Other, Self Harm, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-16
Updated: 2016-08-28
Packaged: 2018-08-09 04:10:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,475
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7786276
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CatelynJones/pseuds/CatelynJones
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Isabelle Lightwood is not just a sexy body for seducing targets, although she does do that quite well, thank you very much. She is a damn good Shadowhunter and she has something to prove. Isabelle will keep up with the boys, or die trying. Only problem is, she can't handle fucking up, and she can't handle being useless.</p><p>If there is one thing good old mom and dad managed to teach her, it's that mistakes need to be punished.</p><p>--------------------------</p><p>This can be read as a standalone story, though some references to <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/works/7626160/chapters/17361034">"The Sacrifices we Make"</a> are made. If you don't want to read it first, just smile and nod whenever something confusing comes up Xx</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Русский available: [Scars and Lessons](https://archiveofourown.org/works/9920534) by [Batty_Blue](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Batty_Blue/pseuds/Batty_Blue)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Find Part 1: ["The Sacrifices We Make" here](http://archiveofourown.org/works/7626160/chapters/17361034)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to the next installment of 'The Kids Aren't Alright'. This is a mostly standalone work, so if you haven't read 'The Sacrifices we Make' you should be fine, although there will be references you might not get.  
> This is about Izzy, but Alec and Magnus are fairly significant players because I love me some Malec and I adore queer representation. 
> 
> The first chapter has some dub-con moments bc Iz is seducing a target and she's not a fan of him, but don't worry, he gets what he deserves.
> 
> Enjoy!

The first time it happened, Isabelle had been nine. She was sparring with the newly arrived Jace when she got distracted by Church, the Institute's cat, running headlong into the mirror that ran around the edge of the room. Jace had quickly taken advantage of her distraction and kicked her square in the chest. Isabelle had felt the air rush out of her lungs, and she stumbled backwards and fallen into the display of sharp throwing knives. She could still remember the sting as the daggers had fallen with her, slicing across the back of her arms and her hands. Their mother had refused to heal her, 'They will be your reminder to pay more attention when fighting', she had said.

The second time Isabelle was ten, she had fallen from the rafters in the training room while practising climbing and broken her arm. Her father had watched, impassively, 'Shadowhunters don't fall. Mundanes fall. If you fall like a mundane, you can heal like one.' He had taken her to the infirmary and watched as Hodge set Isabelle's arm in a plastic cast, then took her back to the training room to finish their session.

It didn't take Isabelle long to work out that being a Shadowhunter meant getting injured when you weren't good enough. It also didn't take her long to work out that being injured was not an excuse for not being perfect and that injuries were something to be hidden. The pain was the punishment for mistakes. When you fucked up, you got hurt. Being hurt meant that you fucked up. So you hid that shit as best you could so no one knew. Hide your weaknesses, do better next time. It was the mantra Isabelle came to live by.

She knew what everyone thought of her. They saw her as a bimbo. Stupid, shallow and a bit of a slut. Isabelle hated that people saw her like that, just because she liked her body and liked boys. But she also knew that it meant a lot of people underestimated her. She could get a man twice her size on his back; guys never saw her as a threat until she had her whip wrapped around their throats. It was for this reason; Isabelle was the first one to enter the bar. She wore tight short shorts in a dark denim and a black vest with shiny highlights. Her leather boots came up over her knee and disguised the throwing daggers hidden there. Her hair was in two braids, and makeup playfully lined her eyes. Isabelle's arm was adorned by her electrum whip.

As she strutted into the bar, a lot of them men turned to look at her. Isabelle smiled shyly at them, looking around the room through her long lashes. She walked to the bar and ordered a drink. The man who was their target stood next to her. He looked her up and down with a more than appreciative grin on his face, 'Hey little lady, what's a pretty girl like you doing in a place like this?' As the bartender served her a drink, she resisted the urge to roll her eyes, instead looking up at the target with a ditzy smile.

'My car broke down, and my cell is dead,' she pouted and looked confused for good measure, 'I just don't know what is wrong with it! You don't know anyone who could help me, do you?'

Isabelle fluttered her eyelashes and did her best not to throw up at the level of cliche she was throwing at this guy. To absolutely no one's surprise, the target straightened himself up and said, 'Well maybe I could help you out darlin'.'

'Oh COULD up? That would be amazing! I don't have much money,' she looked down and bit her lip before looking up at the target through her lashes, 'maybe we could, work something out?'

The target smiled and put his hand on Isabelle's ass; she fought the urge to punch him in the balls. 'Well now, I think we just might be able to...'

The smile that spread across his face was creepy as all hell, but Isabelle forced herself to bat her eyelids and coyly smile as he gestured to take him out the the offending vehicle. As the crossed the floor, he high-fived more than one of the guys.

Isabelle walked him over to the van the Institute had borrowed from Simon for this evening. She pulled the target over the driver's side door and pushed him against it. His mouth was hard on hers, and his hands were rough and insistent. The target's hands were on her thighs, pulling Isabelle into him, she spun him around so her back was against the door and his was painfully exposed. His eyes were closed, every part of him was focused on his 'prize'. He was so focussed that he didn't notice the two men slowly and quietly approach from the other side of the van. Once her brothers were in position, Isabelle brought a knee up and slammed it into the target's crotch. Reflexively, the target dropped his hands from Isabelle's thighs and slammed a fist into her face. Her head snapped back and hit the metal of the van door. Her vision blurred at the edges and Isabelle tasted blood. She was vaguely aware that a fight was happening in front of her, and she slid down the side of the van and watched it with disinterest.

Jace had the target on his knees, and Alec was quickly tying the man's hands and feet together with rope. Isabelle helpfully rolled to the side to let the boys open the side of the van. As they threw the target in, she vomited onto the asphalt. Cool hands brushed her hair back and tipped her face up to look into his. Alec, with his big brown eyes, looked down at her and bit his lip, 'Iz, you smacked your head pretty hard, I think you have a concussion.'

She nodded in reply, which turned out to be a horrible mistake. She turned and vomited again, this time managing to have it all land on Jace's shoes. Jace groaned, 'Thanks, Iz...' He sighed and walked to her other side to help Alec lift her up. Gently they two boys helped her over to the passenger's side door and strapped her into the seat. Jace jumped into the back with the target while Alec called Magnus to open the portal back to the Institute. Alec was learning how to drive, but he wasn't quite up to crossing Manhattan at five in the afternoon yet. Alec started the van and edged it slowly through the newly opened portal, and suddenly they were on the street outside the Institute. Jace jumped out, 'Alright, I'll drag this piece of shit off to the holding cell, and you take Iz up to the infirmary?'

Alec hopped out of the van and walked around to the other side to grab his sister, 'Sounds good to me.'

Alec smiled as he heard a familiar and welcome voice, 'Why do I smell blood and vomit? You better not have lied to me on the phone Alexander.'

Alex turned to look at his gorgeous boyfriend, 'It's not me, it's Iz. She got punched in the face, slammed her head into the van and then threw up all over the carpark. I think she's got a concussion.'

Magnus frowned, 'Does sound like it, doesn't it?' He walked over to the open door and looked at the now unconscious Isabelle Lightwood. 'Want me to take care of it?' Magnus waved his fingers, blue magic sparking at their tips.

Alec chuckled, 'Nah it's all good, we have medics for this. It's not a life-threatening injury.'

Magnus frowned, 'You know, I do like helping my friends even when they _aren't_ dying.'

Alec raised his hands, 'Hey, if you really want to, I'm not going to stop you. If I can get away without carrying her up three flights of stairs, I'm happy.'

'Ok then!'

'Ok!'

'Glad we had this discussion!'

Laughing Alec placed a kiss on Magnus's shoulder as Magnus turned to Isabelle and placed his hands either side of her head. Blue light shone and shimmered around her, and slowly she opened her eyes, blinking.

Looking up into the smiling faces of her friends, she squinted, 'Ouch...'

Alec raised his eyebrows, 'Yeah no shit. You got slugged pretty hard. That'll teach you to knee an asshole in the balls without an escape plan.'

Isabelle filed that away in her 'list of things to remember' file and undid her seat belt. Swinging her legs out the door of the van, she hopped out and stumbled a bit on the dismount. Magnus caught her by the shoulders, 'How about we help you up to your room hey?'

'Mm, sounds good,' what Isabelle needed was a nap and a shower. She stank like vomit and her head, though much clearer, was still pounding.

With one man at each elbow, she walked slowly into the Institute.

°ºOº°

Sitting Isabelle down on her bed, Magnus and Alec helped her peel off the thigh high boots. They were practically painted on, and there was no way she would have been able to manage them herself. Thanking them, Isabelle stood and walked over to the dresser and began pulling out some more comfortable clothes and a towel.

'So, did we get the guy?'

Jace, who had just appeared in the doorway, replied, 'Yep. After you had decided to sit down and take a rest Alec and I swooped in and saved the day.' He had his trademark smirk spread across his face and Magnus strongly considered using magic to give him some animal part instead of a nose.

Resisting the urge, he opted instead to help Isabelle undo the buckles on the back of the vest. It had a built in waist cincher, and while it looked amazing, he knew they were a bitch to get off.

Ignoring Jace, Alec turned to Isabelle, 'He is in custody and will be transported to the Clave as soon as they decided to answer the phone. You did well. If it weren't for you, Jace and I would have had to go into the bar ourselves and then there would have been a fight.'

Isabelle nodded, 'As much as I love the lot of you, I want to shower, and I am not too keen on having my brothers and my brother's boyfriend see me in all my naked glory. So unless you want the full show, rack off.'

Jace laughed and pushed off the doorframe, 'I have to go and check on Clary anyway, she's had training all day today, and I'm sure she'll want to bitch about it.' He sauntered off in the direction of the training room.

She turned to Alec and Magnus, 'You too, get lost.'

Alec hesitated, 'You sure your head is fine?'

Isabelle rolled her eyes, 'Yes, are you saying your all-powerful High Warlock isn't capable of taking care of a simple head wound?'

Magnus chuckled softly, 'She's got you there love.'

Alec huffed, 'Fine. Go shower, but I'll check on you before I leave tonight.'

Magnus grabbed Alec's hand and turned to look at Isabelle, 'You guys haven't had dinner yet have you?'

Isabelle shook her head, and it was Alec's turn to roll his eyes. His boyfriend smiled and began to pull him from the room, 'Right, we'll go to Taki's for dinner and then you can come back here, play mother hen for a few minutes and then we'll go home for _dessert_. Sound like a plan?'

Alec sighed, 'Yeah, sounds like a plan...' he conceded.

And just like that, Isabelle was finally alone.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Contains descriptions of self harm. Not as graphic as some, but still enough that it could be triggering.  
> Honestly though, it's a pretty big bit of this story and will probably come up in later chapters as well. If the way I describe it here is too much for you then I would probably advise not reading on.

  
The next morning Isabelle's head felt much less painful. She was still slightly unsteady on her feet, but nothing severe enough to keep her from her training schedule. Quickly, she changed into her workout gear and ran down to to the kitchens to grab some breakfast. When she got there, her mother was already sitting at the table. Gritting her jaw, Isabelle steeled herself and walked into the room.

Maryse's eyes snapped up from her reports and fixed on Isabelle, 'Jace told me you sustained a head injury yesterday. From a _mundane._ '

Isabelle opened the fridge and grabbed out the juice and the bread, 'Yes mother.'

Maryse narrowed her eyes, 'How could you let a mundane get the better of you? You are a Shadowhunter! The blood of Raziel flows through your veins!'

Isabelle closed her eyes, her back turned to the woman who gave birth to her. 'I'm sorry mother, it won't happen again.'

'No. It won't. You are barred from field work for the next 3 days.'

At this, Isabelle spun around, 'Why?!'

Her mother scowled, 'It is Institute policy to rest all Shadowhunters after a head injury, and you _clearly_  need to brush up on your training.'

Isabelle clenched her fists, well aware that there was no point in arguing with Maryse. 'Fine.' She turned on her heel, breakfast forgotten, and made her way to the training room.

°ºOº°

Isabelle slammed her fists into the punching bag, again and again. She felt petty and childish, but she couldn't help but imagine that it was Maryse's face she was going to town on.

Once her body was drenched in sweat and her arms felt leaden, Isabelle stopped and unwrapped her knuckles. The skin was red raw, she flexed her fists and smiled with satisfaction. Briefly, she considered healing them, but the pain was helping keep her anger alive, preventing it from becoming a sullen sadness.

Isabelle stalked back to her room and sank onto the floor, leaning her back against the bed. She was such an idiot. Kneeing that guy in the balls had been stupid. She was just so sick of him having his hands on her, and Isabelle had wanted to take a small amount of revenge. But Maryse had been right. There is no way a mundane, regardless of the situation, should be able to best her. She was meant to be better than that.

She _was_  better than that.

Isabelle's eyes flicked to the bathroom. The feeling of shame and guilt was starting to well up inside her, soon it would be overwhelming. Her mind presented her with an image of blood and pain. Isabelle grimaced and pushed it down, standing and walking over to her desk, looking for something else to do. Something to occupy herself with.

Her mind, however, was not so easily distracted. The image of blood and punishment was repeated again and again, and Isabelle knew that she would eventually give in. After all, she deserved it.

Walking into the bathroom, Isabelle dug through her draws for her preferred method of punishment. Dropping the blade into a cup of disinfectant, she began to strip off her yoga pants. Isabelle sat on the edge of the toilet and put her head in her hands. In this moment, she felt helpless and alone. The longer she waited, the greater the sense of guilt became, pushing at the back of her mind, causing tears to leak out of her eyes.

Hurriedly, she wiped them away, crying was a weakness. Shadowhunters didn't show weakness. She hardened her resolve, and picked up the blade and began to record her stupidity in the skin of her upper thigh. Neat straight lines to stand as reminders for this round of idiocy.

When she was done, the shame had lessened, now she just felt empty. Cleaning herself up, Isabelle strapped a non-stick dressing over the top of the injury and climbed back into her yoga pants. She picked up her stele, drew a locking rune on the bedroom door and climbed into bed. Isabelle was out of energy, so she put a movie on her laptop, and even though it was barely 2 pm, drifted off to sleep.

°ºOº°

Dinner came and went, and Alec had not seen hide nor hair of Isabelle. Frowning, he pulled out his phone and dialled Simon.

'Hey Alec, what's up?'

'Hey Si, have you heard from Iz today?'

There was a pause, and then Simon responded slowly, 'No... She didn't answer my texts so I figured she was out hunting with you guys...'

Alec furrowed his brow, 'No, she got barred from field work for the next few days.. I'll check the Institute again...'

'Alec,' Simon replied, 'let me know when you find her? We may not be dating anymore, but we're still friends.'

'Of course' and with that, Alec ended the call.

°ºOº°

When Alec made it over to the Institute, he found a locking rune on Isabelle's door. It was easy to unlock it, if you knew how, but it was considered quite rude to ignore a locking rune. Alec chewed his lip and knocked.

There was no reply. Making a decision, he drew out his stele and unlocked the door. Opening it slowly, Alec stuck his head in and found a movie playing on Isabelle's laptop and Isabelle asleep in bed. Walking over to her, he gave Isabelle a quick check over. He saw her knuckles were split and even in sleep, she looked stressed out.

Alec ran his hand over his baby sister's hair and stepped out of the room, locking it behind himself. If she needed sleep, then he wasn't going to be the one to wake her. Isabelle had clearly had a shit day and talking about it could wait until tomorrow.

Quickly leaving the Institute, Alec jogged down to the apartment Magnus had taken almost a year ago in the Upper East Side. He said he wanted to be closer to the Institute so Alec could live with him, while still being easily contactable if he was needed. The move had saved Alec a fortune in cab fares.

Taking the stairs two at a time, he opened the door and walked straight into the open arms of his boyfriend. Rolling his eyes at Magnus, Alec pressed a kiss to his lips.

'Just because you know I am coming doesn't mean you have to be standing at the door when I get here, you know,' Alec said with fake exasperation. As corny as it was, he loved that Magnus was always there. It reminded him that he was loved and wanted. Not that Alec would ever admit it.

'Psh you love it,' Magnus replied with a wink, 'How's everything at the Institute?'

Alec bit his lip again, 'I don't know, Iz got barred from field work for the rest of the week after last night. I mean, yeah, strictly speaking, it _i_ _s_  Institute policy following head trauma, but it is rarely enforced... I over heard mom yelling at Iz this morning, something about how dare she get bested by a mundane...'

Magnus huffed, 'Well, as you know I _am_  your mother's greatest fan...'

Alec chuckled, 'Yeah, yeah, I know. Anyway, when Izzy didn't surface for lunch or dinner I went to find her. She was locked up in her room, asleep. But her knuckles were all split open. I did see her in the training room today, but it was this morning. She hadn't healed them, just left them bleeding all day...'

Magnus pulled Alec into a hug, 'I've got tomorrow afternoon free, why don't I kidnap Iz and drag her back here for some movies. I know you have a full day, but I can check on her if you like?'

Alec smiled, 'See, this is why I love you. You always know what to do.'

Magnus pulled Alec in for a kiss, 'Really, _that's_  why you love me? I thought it was something else?'

Alec laughed and allowed himself to be lifted up, hitching his legs around Magnus's waist. 'Look, it's definitely a contributing factor,' he mused as Magnus carried him to the bedroom. Kicking the door shut behind him, Magnus proceeded to prove his point in the most scandalous of ways


	3. Chapter 3

  
Isabelle rested her head on Magnus's shoulder. He had portaled into her room unannounced two hours ago, picked her up and basically thrown her through a portal into his living room. She had complained, but honestly, Isabelle was glad to have some company. She was an extrovert at heart and needed other people around to actually feel alive.

Magnus had dropped her onto the couch, wrapped her in a blanket and put So You Think You Can Dance on the tv. Now Isabelle was warm, entertained and had a cup of 'pirate's hot chocolate'* in one hand and Chairman Meow under the other. Add in a couple more friends and this would be her happy place. Alec, Jace and Clary would never understand her need to be around _people_ , which is fine, but it meant that they often left her alone when she was stressed or sad. It might be what they needed, but it just gave Isabelle more time alone in her head, and that was never good news.

Magnus let Isabelle relax for a few hours, making mindless conversation, telling each other about the ridiculous things that had happened since they last caught up, Magnus and Isabelle had become fast friends in the wake of Magnus's relationship with Alec and Alec's recent... _illness_... They had too many shared loves to not. Between fashion, parties, reality TV and makeup, they never actually ran out of things to talk about. Magnus often mused that it meant they never spoke about serious matters, but usually, he didn't mind. It was nice to spend a few hours gossiping and talking crap. It made him feel like he was 200 again. But this time, he _did_  have something to speak to Isabelle about and he was having difficulty steering the conversation away from their usual conversation topics.

'Did you see that?!'

Magnus was snapped out of his reverie by Isabelle shouting and hitting his arm.

'Did I see what?' Isabelle rolled her eyes at him and started to rewind the recording.

'Look, watch the guy in the front there... wait for it... wait for it.... BAM!' She shouted as one of the dancers did a series of very fast pirouettes and followed by some sort of dramatic drop. Magnus had to admit, it was rather impressive. With a laugh he turned to look at Isabelle who was gazing longingly at the screen,'By the Angel... I wish I had learnt to dance.'

Magnus cocked an eyebrow, 'I've seen you dance, you're excellent.'

Isabelle sighed, 'Maybe in the club I can get away with people thinking I know what I'm doing, but to be able to move like that....' She sighed again, it was a sigh filled with longing and sadness.

'It's never too late to learn you know, it's not like there are no classes anywhere in New York.'

Isabelle rolled her eyes, 'And how do I fit dance classes in around my near death experiences and demon hunting? How would I even make small talk with the other people?'

'That would be a problem... There's no crime in taking some time for yourself, though, you need something in your life other than blood and fighting.'

Isabelle closed her eyes and sunk deeper into the couch, 'Yeah... I know...I'm just getting so tired...'

Magnus put his arm around his friend and allowed her to nestle into his side, letting her take comfort from the contact.

'So much has happened.. Valentine. Sebastian, Alec, Jace, Max...' Her voice trailed off as Isabelle allowed the familiar flood of anguish and guilt over the loss of her youngest sibling. Everyone told her it wasn't her fault, but she really couldn't see a way around it. She was watching him, she was closest to him when he... Isabelle couldn't even bring herself to think about it.

Magnus gave her shoulder a reassuring squeeze. 'Do you want to talk about what's going on with you?'

Isabelle took a quick breath and sat up, plastering a smile on her face, 'What makes you think something's going on?'

The smile was so forced it hurt Magnus's face just looking at it. 'Alec said you were AWOL all day yesterday and that your mother was being... difficult about the mundane's capture.'

Isabelle's mask only slipped slightly, but it was enough for Magnus to know that something from yesterday was causing his friend distress. 'Mom was just being mom....' Isabelle stared resolutely at the floor, 'Nothing surprising there from her.'

Magnus shrugged, 'Doesn't mean it doesn't suck, though. What did she say?'

Isabelle sighed, 'Oh you know, the usual, "You should know better, you need to do better, learn from your mistakes". She was just pissed that a _mere mundane_ landed a punch. I'm pissed about it too, I was rash, and I didn't think.'

Manus looked at her, 'We all do things in the heat of the moment that probably weren't the wisest, but why are you beating yourself up so much about it?'

'I'm just so sick of being seen as the stupid screw-up of the family. Everyone wants me to be the sexy distraction but can't trust me to do anything else. Every time I get a _chance_ to do something, I fuck it up! Now I'm not even trusted to be doing field work!' Isabelle was shaking. She didn't know if it was anger or frustration, but for once, she directed it outward.

'Mom and dad will probably keep me locked away in the safe, safe Institute until someone needs me for my boobs and eyelashes again. Because Angel knows, that's all _I'm_ good for!'

Magnus frowned, 'I can't speak to your parents' thoughts, as I am sure you are aware I am not too fond of them, but as for Alec and Jace... You know they love you an insane amount, think you are perfectly capable of looking after yourself and are hesitant to go into any fight without you around. Jace is an ass, and he always says the wrong thing, but he means well. Alec, I _know_  Alec would be lost without you because he tells me all the time. If it weren't for you, Alec and Jace would be well lost by now.'

Isabelle looked up at the man who had her brother's heart. 'I'm sorry. I'm being stupid. You don't need to hear this.'

'Oh for fuck's sake Isabelle. What is it with you Nephilim and having to bottle up all your emotions. I swear to God, I will teach you lot to talk about your problems if it is the last thing I do.'

Isabelle stifled a giggle at Magnus's exasperated tone. 'We're not _that_  bad.'

Magnus threw her a condescending look, 'Oh yes you are. Do you have any idea how long it took me to get Alec used to trusting _me_ with his problems? This is what friends do. We listen when shit is bad and then we do what we can to help. It's not all booze, shopping and reality TV.'

Isabelle was smiling in earnest now. 'Ok fine. I will talk to you about things other than booze, shopping and reality TV from now on.'

Magnus pressed a quick kiss to her cheek, 'Good. Now it is getting late, would you like a portal home, or I can set you up in the spare room. Alec has tomorrow morning off, we could all go for brunch somewhere?'

Isabelle took a second to think, 'A sleepover and brunch does sound nice. Do you want to have a pillow fight and tell ghost stories?'

Magnus laughed, 'Only if you promise to braid my hair and make me into a pretty girl.'

'But you already _are_ pretty!'

°ºOº°

Alec had to laugh when he got home, Magnus and Isabelle were sitting on the floor of the living room in a nest made of what appeared to be all the blankets and doonas in the entire apartment. They were watching 'Sixteen Candles' and there were empty pizza boxes on the coffee table and a nearly empty bottle of rum on the floor.

Shouting a greeting, his sister and boyfriend turned around to wave at him. They had matching blue eye shadow and red lipstick. It looked horrendous.

Alec walked over to the living room and settled into the middle of the blanket nest, resting his head on Magnus's shoulder and wrapping an arm around Isabelle. 'So, have fun while I was gone?'

Isabelle smiled, and Alec was glad to see that it was free from pain, 'Magnus thought that adding rum to hot chocolate was a good idea.' She smiled goofily, making it quite clear that she hadn't stopped at one mug's worth.

'It _WAS_ a good idea thank you very much!' Magnus's reply was indignant and slightly amused, in a stage whisper he added, 'We're having a sleepover.'

Alec laughed again, 'I can see that!' He kissed the chin of his half pickled boyfriend and stood up, 'I need a shower and then I think it might be bed time.'

Isabelle sighed but nodded. She stood and traipsed her way toward the guest room, 'See you in the morning!!' she called in a sing-song voice.

Alec reached a hand down to his partner, who accepted it, allowing himself to be pulled to his feet. 'So, did you talk to her?'

Magnus walked with Alec to the bathroom, watching greedily as Alec began to strip off his hunting gear, 'Yeah I did. Maryse tore a few strips off her about being punched by the mundane, and she hates being sexy bait. Or rather, she hates that people don't recognise any of her other skills. Also, she doesn't seem to take making mistakes very well..' Magnus paused, 'Isabelle also still blames herself for losing Max..'

Alec sighed and turned on the shower, 'I don't think any of us will ever really get over that. Kids just aren't meant to die. I knew it would be hardest for Isabelle, she was right there after all... I just don't know what to say to her. I can't make her believe there was nothing she could have done, and I can't bring Max back.' He stepped under the hot water, closing his eyes and turning his face to the spray.

Magnus bit his lip, 'I don't think it's just that, though. I think Iz is just used to everyone treating her like a bit of an airhead, and expecting her to fuck up. So when she _does_ fuck up, she takes it out on herself. I don't think it's anything new for her. I mean, Max dying would have definitely made things worse, but it is more than just that.'

Alec turned to face Magnus, shutting off the shower and wrapping himself in a towel, 'Everyone makes mistakes, though, doesn't she know that?'

Magnus raised an eyebrow, 'Did you?'

'Did I what?'

'Did you know, and I mean really know, that everyone makes mistakes? Seemed to me that you thought that you either were the only one or that everyone else was allowed to, and you weren't.'

Alec brushed past his irritating boyfriend to stand in front of the mirror, 'Fine. I see your point. I just never picked Iz to be one to need to get everything right.'

Magnus stood behind him and pressed a kiss to Alec's shoulder, 'And maybe love, that is part of the problem.'

___________________________________________________

*A pirate's hot chocolate is a hot chocolate with rum in it. It is a gift from the gods and you should all have one.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay, I'm on clinical rotations which basically means working full time for no pay.
> 
> I'm a little disheartened at the lack of hits, but the people who are clicking in seem to be enjoying the story, so I guess that's something.
> 
> Nothing graphic in this chapter, just come self-care and some demon hunting action.

  
Brunch was a pleasant affair, the three friends eating at a small, but excellent place on 78th St and then wandering around Central Park, takeaway coffee in hand. _This_ is what Isabelle had needed, a morning of lighthearted conversation and easy company. When she was around the people she loved it was almost impossible to imagine herself in that dark and anxious place that made her feel twitchy and hopeless, where the only thing that cut through the thoughts was pain and blood. Isabelle needed to keep moving to breathe. She was a shark, if she stopped, even for a second, the air thickened and she was suffocating.

Alec was talking about something that happened on patrol last night. It seemed that Jace had tripped and landed in something disgusting in an alley, and Clary had refused to let him into her room when he got home. Magnus, always pleased to hear about Jace's misfortune, was laughing heartily. Isabelle studied his face carefully, she loved Magnus, not just because they had become good friends, but because he made her brother ridiculously happy. When Alec had started to crumble a few months ago, Magnus had helped Isabelle pick him up and get him back on his feet. He had helped Alec find himself again, and for that, she would never be able to thank Magnus enough. She had lost Max, Isabelle didn't think she would survive slowly losing her eldest brother too.

The shrill buzzing of a phone broke Isabelle out of her silent reflection. Eyes snapping back into focus, she looked at Alec. He was frowning, mouth set in an irritated line.

'Yes. Yes of course.' A pause, 'Yes. We'll leave now.'

He snapped the phone shut without saying goodbye, 'C'mon sis. Apparently, play time is over, and we have to go back to work.'

Magnus heaved a theatrical sigh, 'Do you _have_ to go?' he asked with a pout.

'You know we do. You also know that I would rather be lounging around the park than dealing with Institute business, but I don't get a lot of choice in the matter.' Alec pressed a kiss to his love's hair and offered a hand to Isabelle, pulling her from the picnic blanket. Isabelle grabbed the offered hand and stood beside her brother. She smiled down at her friend, 'Sorry Magnus! Duty calls!!'

Magnus just rolled his eyes at them. Swiftly he conjured away the picnic blanket, 'Are you going to walk or do you want a portal?'

It was Alec's turn to roll his eyes, 'Mags, it's barely a 15 min walk. Please save your energy for something more important.'

Magnus chuckled and pulled Alec in for a kiss. He whispered something in his lover's ear, and Isabelle watched with a smirk as her older brother flushed scarlet. She was glad to see that even after months of living with Magnus, some things still caused him to be embarrassed.

Smiling Magnus pointed Alec in the direction of the Institute and gave him a gentle push, 'Get going then! The sooner you get there, the sooner you'll get home!'

Alec threw a grin over his shoulder and started to jog towards the Institute. Isabelle pressed a quick kiss to Magnus's cheek and sprinted after her brother. His longer legs made it hard to keep up, but she managed. Alec wasn't the only one who enjoyed a good run to clear his head.

They made it back to Institute in good time, and Jace was waiting for them on the front steps. He fell into step beside them as Isabelle and Alec headed towards their rooms to get changed into hunting gear.

'So, what's happening?' Alec questioned Jace as they walked briskly through the hallways of the old church.

'A werewolf kid ran away. The family paid some warlock to track him, but it's really close to the Hotel DuMort, and everyone involved thought it would be better to call us instead of risking the accords.'

Isabelle snorted in surprise, 'Well there is a first time for everything... Since when did Downworlders call us voluntarily?'

It was Jace who answered, 'Since word got out that we're getting all cosy with them.' He shot a sly glance at Alec, who ignored him resolutely.

'Also since the Institute has been run well and treated the Downworlders fairly,' Alec added.

Isabelle nodded, and she and her brothers separated into their own rooms to get ready.

°ºOº°

The three siblings stalked silently through Thomas Jefferson Park. The warlock the boy's family had hired saw him standing amongst trees, baseball diamond in the background. The silence hung heavy in the air as Isabelle sniffed the air, a cloying sweetness rolled over them. Her head snapped up, and she and her brothers looked across the baseball diamond to see a small figure. The child was standing stock still, and the dark shadows of the trees seemed to move and merge, solidifying as the demons prowled towards him.

Without a second thought, Jace and Isabelle took off across the field at a full sprint. Isabelle felt, rather than saw the arrow fly past her and lodge itself into one of the demons. It shivered and then burst into ash.

 _One down, four to go_ , she thought grimly. Reaching the child, she threw her arm out and scooped him around the waist. Smoothly she picked him up and turned, beginning to race away from the fight. Step one, as they had discussed, was to get the kid out of any immediate danger. They could deal with the demons later, but the kid had to come first.

As she turned to run, a searing pain raked across her back. Isabelle let out a keening scream, her back arching. Alec was running towards her, firing arrows over her shoulder. In a daze, Isabelle tightened her grip on the kid, and with teeth bared, she dragged him as far away from the battle as possible. She made it about 80ft until she couldn't stand any longer, pitching forward onto the smooth turf of the field, her weight on top of the lost werewolf.

It took Alec and Jace less than 5 minutes to finish the rest of the demons. They were sweaty and tired, but the immediate threats were gone. Alec unlocked his phone and hit '1' on his speed dial.

A concerned voice came through the speaker, 'This is too early, which one of you is hurt?'

Alec, as concerned about his sisters as he was, smiled at his boyfriend's worried tone, it made him happy that he cared about his family so much. 'It's Iz, she got raked down the back by demon talons. I hate to ask, but can you portal here and then take up back to the Institute?'

'I'm on my way.'

Alec quickly explained where they were and then joined Jace by Isabelle's side. 'How is she?'

Jace was carefully assessing Isabelle's back, 'She'll be okay as long as Magnus is here soon.'

Alec nodded, and the two of them gently lifted their sister off the lost werewolf pup. He was curled up in a tight ball and began to shake when Alec reached down to him.

'It's ok kid, we're here to help.' Alec tried to smile reassuringly, but he wasn't sure if he managed to pull it off. 'Are you cold? Do you want my jacket?'

The pup considered this for a second and then nodded. Biting back a smile, he peeled off his tactical jacket and pulled it around the boy. He noticed that the kid was holding his right arm tight to his chest.

'Did you hurt you arm?' The pup nodded. 'Can I see?'

The kid shuffled closer to allow Alec to see without having to move the arm too much. It looked broken. The forearm was a weird shape, and the bruise was beginning to spread.

Jace looked over at the kid, 'I know it hurts, but just keep it still as possible until we get you home, ok Liam?'

Liam nodded, and Alec kicked himself for not bothering to ask Jace the kid's name earlier.

It was at this point that Magnus arrived on the scene.

Jace frowned 'Took you long enough. Iz is hurt!'

Magnus dismissed his with a wave of his bejewelled hand, 'Yes I know. I was clearing up some business with the vampires just a block away, so I decided to save my strength and walk. Portals are tiring you know.'

Magnus kneeled down next to the now unconscious Isabelle, 'It's not deep, but it would have been rather painful. Let's get her back to the Institute and we can get her fixed up.'

He snapped his fingers, and a portal opened up next to them. Gently using his magic, he levitated Isabelle through and straight into a bed in the infirmary. Alec helped Liam stand and guided him through with a hand on his back. They were greeted by Maryse and Robert who immediately began shouting things about Downworlders in the Institute and protocol. Magnus, who had started treating their daughter's wounds, shut his eyes and tried to concentrate. He had magicked off the clothes on her torso and his eyes fixed on the angry purple gashes, willing all contamination to be drawn out.

Jace was shouting back at his adoptive parents, and Alec had enough. 'MOM. DAD. STOP.'

Everyone except Magnus and Isabelle turned to look at him, 'Do you think this is really the time and place? Magnus is treating your daughter who is injured, and I have a very scared 4-year-old to find medical care for and return to his anxious parents. Either we all came here together, or I walked a frightened child through Harlem at night with a badly broken arm. His parents came to us for help, because people are starting to trust us again. Let's not blow it ok?'

Magnus smirked as he worked, while Robert and Maryse looked at Alec as if seeing him for the first time. Jace chuckled quietly, but the small sound broke the spell.

Maryse walked over to her eldest son and crouched down in front of the young child standing in front of him, 'Hello Liam, my name is Maryse. How about we go and get your arm fixed up?'

Small brown eyes met hers and he nodded.

Maryse stood and looked at Alec, 'You're right. You were doing what was best for the child. I'll take him to see the medic.' She turned to look at her husband, 'If the kid is in here, we might as well let his family see him. I'm not returning a child to his parents with an untreated break.'

Robert sighed, but nodded and went to inform the parents who were waiting in the sanctuary.

Maryse placed a hand on the back of Liam's head and began to guide him to the other end of the infirmary where the medics were set up. He reached out his good arm and caught Alec's hand. Alec looked down to meet a set of anxious brown eyes, smiling he spoke to Liam, 'It's ok, she's my mom. She will take good care of you. I promise.' He gave his hand a squeeze and let Maryse lead him away. A strange feeling settled in Alec's chest. He shrugged it off.

Magnus, who had been watching the whole exchange out of the corner of his eye, smiled at the thought of Alec looking after their own children.

Returning his focus to his task, Magnus ran his fingers over the freshly healed skin on Isabelle's back, double-checking his work. Satisfied, he conjured up an oversized T-shirt and slipped it over her head. Rolling Isabelle over gently, Magnus checked her vitals as her protective brothers began to circle.

Alec placed his hand on the back of Magnus's neck and pressed a kiss to his temple, 'Thank you.'

Magnus rolled his eyes, 'There is nothing to thank me for, seriously. I like knowing that I helped the people I care about.'

'Does that mean if I were injured you'd be happy to leave me there?' Jace's tone was insulted, but his face amused.

Magnus pretended to consider it for a second, 'Probably, but you are of some importance to the people I care about and leaving you to die would make them unhappy. So I guess I would help you, but only if I had to.'

Jace laughed softly, his face turning serious, 'So Iz'll be fine?'

'Why are you people always doubting me?' Magnus smiled, 'Yeah she'll be fine. Probably just needs some sleep.'

As he spoke, Isabelle let out a soft snore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you want to see the map I use for my locations, you can find it [here](https://drive.google.com/open?id=15PxIXrrWiLMb0rb_Zimj145cnIs&usp=sharing). Bc I am a huge nerd and I want things to be plausible.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mentions of recent self-harm at the end of this chapter. No real descriptions of the act or anything, but Iz's unhealthy coping mechanism is revealed.

  
When Isabelle woke up, she was in her own bed. Her back ached, and she desperately needed a shower. Stretching gently, she realised that she was not the only person in the room. Sitting up, Isabelle locked eyes with her father. Robert Lightwood was seated in the chair at her desk. Isabelle hardly ever used it for actual study, it usually held her outfit for the next day, but this morning it was taken by her father.

Back ramrod straight, arms crossed, unreadable expression.

That was dear old dad.

'To what do I owe the pleasure father?'

His expression was unreadable as he replied, 'You were injured last night. I wanted to ensure that you were fully healed.'

Isabelle could sense something was off, but she buried the feeling. Plastering a smile on her face, she quickly stood and twisted to the sides and touched her toes. '100% healed. No long term damage done.'

Robert stood, 'Good.' He turned to talk to the door. Pausing he looked back at his daughter, 'Next time you decided to play the hero, try not to fall on top of the person you are rescuing. You broke the poor boy's arm quite badly.' He left, closing the door behind him.

Isabelle felt her stomach drop at her father's words. She didn't really remember the events of the previous night's mission well, just that the kid was rescued, and she was injured in the process, snatching her phone off the bedside table, Isabelle called Alec.

'Iz! You're up!' Alec sounded pleased, 'Magnus thought you might sleep longer...'

'Yeah, yeah. I'm up, I'm fine, thank Magnus for me, etc., etc.' Isabelle brushed aside her brother's concerns and forged ahead with the reason for her call, 'I don't remember much from last night after we found the kid. Dad said he was injured?'

It sounded like Alec was rubbing his face, glancing at the clock Isabelle saw that it was only 6 am. She'd probably woken her brother up.

Damn.

'Yeah, nothing too bad. You grabbed him and turned to run, and a demon got you across the back. I killed it, you ran past me, made it about 20 meters and collapsed. I think the kid, Liam, broke his arm when you fell.'

Isabelle bit her lip, 'Is he going to be ok?'

Alec yawned, 'Yep, perfectly ok. You know werewolf pups, they heal fast. It was a pretty bad break, though, looked like it hurt like hell. But Liam should be good as new in a week or so.'

Isabelle nodded before remembering Alec couldn't see it, 'Yeah, thanks, Alec. Sorry for waking you.'

'Pft, not at all. I'm glad you're ok. I'll see you on patrol at midday?'

Isabelle ran a hand through her hair, she'd forgotten about patrol. 'Yeah of course. Love you.'

'Love you too sis.'

Hanging up, Isabelle grabbed her towel and made a beeline for the shower. The kid, Liam, was safe and at home with his parents. But she'd still broken his arm, and Robert thought she was playing heroics.

Isabelle punched the tiles of the bathroom wall, cracking one and causing a sharp pain to radiate up her arm. It wasn't fair. She wasn't trying to prove something, all she had wanted to do was get the kid away from the things that were trying to kill him.

But no. She gets the boy away, only to give a 4-year-old his first excruciating injury. It probably wouldn't be his last, he was growing up in the Shadowworld after all. Doesn't mean Liam deserved to have his arm broken, though.

She should have been more careful, she should have been faster.

Isabelle had stepped under the shower before the water had warmed and let the frigid stream focus her mind. She took a deep breath and tried to think rationally.

The kid's arm would heal.  
He was safe now.  
She had followed the plan she made with Jace and Alec.  
She had done everything she was meant to do.

Taking another deep breath, Isabelle opened her eyes and shut off the water. Stepping out of the shower she wrapped a towel around herself and got dressed in training gear. There was six hours before her patrol started, plenty of time to fit in some work.

°ºOº°

When Alec met Isabelle at the Institute for their patrol shift, he scrutinised every inch of her. She looked tired, a little stressed and apparently, a little irritated.

'You done yet?' Her hands were on her hips, and her face was set in a scowl.

Alec put his hands up, 'Sorry, just making sure you are ok. I'm your older brother, I'm meant to worry about you.'

Isabelle's face softened, and she rearranged her whip around her wrist, 'I know. C'mon, let's get started.'

°ºOº°

The shift passed quickly enough and without incident. The sun was setting as the siblings made their way up 1st Avenue, towards the Institue. The closer to home they got, the heavier Isabelle's heart seemed to feel.

Alec would go to Magnus, Jace would be with Clary, and again, she would be alone.

As if sensing her declining mood Alec broke the silence that had hung comfortable between them for the last 30 minutes or so.

'So, what happened between you and Simon?'

Isabelle looked at him with surprise, 'What do you mean "What happened"? We were dating, now we aren't.'

Alec rolled his eyes, 'Obviously, but why? What's the goss?' Alec threw her a poor imitation of her own cutesy face. It was the one she used when she was angling for information. Laughing, she punched her brother lightly in the shoulder.

'I don't know. He wanted... More. I didn't'. Isabelle bit her lip, she hadn't talked about Simon with anyone. Alec had his hands full with his own issues and Jace is dating Simon's best friends. Not exactly the best person to vent to.

Alec had stopped walking, 'What do you mean "wanted more"? Did he pressure you into anything?' Alec had his scary brother face on.

Isabelle sighed, 'No, it wasn't like that. The sex was good, he's actually not bad in bed you know.' She smiled up at Alec who was doing his best to not imagine his baby sister sleeping with anyone, 'He was falling in love with me. I didn't feel the same way.'

Alec started walking again, 'Ah. Yeah, that makes things difficult.'

Isabelle nodded in agreement, 'I just don't fall in love with people. I find them attractive, but I've never had the romantic attraction to go with it.'

Alec furrowed his brow, 'Maybe you just haven't met the right person?'

'Yeah, perhaps... It doesn't matter, I have my friends, and that is what really is important to me. I really don't feel like I am missing out on anything...' Isabelle saw the Institute coming into view, she hugged her brother, 'I can walk the rest of the way home alone. Go find your man and have your way with him.'

Alec laughed and returned the hug, 'Oh trust me, I will.' He took the next left and was gone. Isabelle trudged up the steps of the Institute that was her home. Instead of heading to her room to get changed, she found herself in the training room. Whoever had been there before Isabelle had left the throwing daggers out. Picking them up, Isabelle took the position in the middle of the studio and began hurling them at the target.

The dull and repetitive 'whoosh-thud' was calming, like some sort of weird meditation. It couldn't keep her mind busy for long, though, and she found herself drifting away from the task at hand. It wasn't long until the shadows started to creep in.

Flinging the final dagger with all her strength, it lodged deep into the target. Leaving it there, Isabelle stalked out of the training room. If all of her friends were going to abandon her, leaving her alone with her thoughts night after night, Isabelle was going to go and make some new friends. She strode into her room and began the lengthy process of getting ready to hit the town.

By 9 pm Isabelle was hailing a cab and heading to Pandemonium. The bar was a regular haunt for many a Downworlder, and so she could be open about who she was there. Most of the regular patrons knew her and had no problems entertaining her. It would be quiet now, but in an hour or so, the place would be packed, and Isabelle could lose herself in the music.

°ºOº°

Magnus was woken up by his cell phone screaming at him. Bleary eyed, he reached over and grabbed it, anyone calling at this time of the, he looked at the clock, _ugh morning_ , would have a damn good reason.

'What.' He snapped into the phone, he could hear music in the background, it was loud and pulsing. It was making his head throb. He looked at the caller ID, it was the main line for his club, Pandemonium.

The man on the other end of the line sounded apologetic, 'I'm so sorry to call you at this time sir, but I didn't know what else to do.'

Magnus sat up in bed, rubbing his sleep deprived face, 'Just spit it out.'

The man, Mark, Magnus remembered, paused, and Magnus growled. 'You've already woken me up, so just get to it.'

'Sorry, but there has been an incident.'

'What sort of incident?'

'One that directly involves your future sister-in-law.'

Magnus groaned, and flopped back into the pillows, he sighed, 'Thanks for calling Mark, I'll be there in a sec.'

Ending the call he woke up his boyfriend, 'Oi, wake up, I have to go be a club owner, and you need to be a big brother.'

Alec opened one eye and glared at Magnus, 'It can wait till morning.'

Magnus shook Alec again, 'No, it can't. It's Isabelle.'

Alec was out of the bed like a shot, instantly alert. 'What happened?'

Magnus shook his head, already half dressed, 'No idea, we'll have to see when we get there.'

With a little help from their friends (magic and caffeine) Alec and Magnus strode through the door of the Downworlder club less than 30 minutes later. Making their way upstairs to the offices, Magnus caught the eye of Mark, the manager.

'What happened. Please tell me no one is dead.'

Mark smiled slightly, 'No one is dead', he paused, and his eyes flicked towards Alec, 'but something is seriously not right with Isabelle. Someone told security that there was a girl passed out in the toilet. Nick went to check it out, found Iz huddled up in one of the cubicles.'

Alec rubbed his hand over his stubble and looked at Magnus, 'What do we do?'

Magnus bit his lip, his face showing unmasked concern, 'I'm not sure.'

Mark led them over to one of the offices and nodded opened the door to reveal the young Lightwood woman.

Isabelle sat in the desk chair, knees pulled up to her chest and arms wrapped around her legs. She was wearing leather pants and a black singlet. She had paired it with her electrum whip on one wrist and a thick black cuff on the other. The whole outfit said 'Don't Fuck With Me', but despite the tough exterior, she looked like she was going to crack.

Alec walked over to her and placed a hand on her arm, crouching down so that their eyes were level. 'What's going on Iz?' His voice was soft, his thumb running circles on her upper arm.

She didn't meet his eyes, didn't seem to hear what her brother said. Her breaths were coming in short gasps.

Alec tilted his sister's chin up trying to get her to meet his eyes.

Isabelle met his gaze for a second before her eyes flicked away, It's my fault'

Alec looked at Magnus, who shrugged, seemingly just as confused as Alec was, 'What's your fault?'

Isabelle continued to stare at the buttons on Alec's shirt. Now that he was closer, he could see the marks that the tears had made down her face, makeup dragged down with the offending liquid. He could also smell tequila coming off her in waves.

Isabelle shook slightly, 'I just wanted to have some fun, I was so lonely. I don't like being alone.'

Magnus crouched down next to Alec, 'You don't have to be alone sweetheart. Tell us what you need.'

'I'm so fucking useless!'

Alec and Magnus quickly exchanged a confused glance, 'Isabelle, you are so very far from useless.'

'Then why am I always fucking up?' she snapped.

Isabelle still wasn't making eye contact, but at least her voice had some life in it again. Even if that life came out as anger.

Alec grabbed his sister's hands in his own, 'Who said that?' He kept his voice as soothing as possible. Alec, of all people, knew what it was like to cling to sudden rage. Sometimes when it was the only emotion you could find in a sea of numbness, you just held on tight and silently prayed that people didn't leave you.

Isabelle pulled her hands out of his and kicked the office chair away. Stalking into the corner she leant against the wall, bent over, elbows on her thighs, hands covering her face.

'I hurt him, Alec, I was meant to save him, and I broke him.'

Alec paused, 'Are you talking about the werewolf pup? Liam?' He looked at Magnus who looked as confused as he was, 'Liam is going to be totally fine. Like I said, pups heal fast.'

'It doesn't matter, it doesn't matter!'

Magnus walked over to Isabelle, who had her fingers buried in her hair, pulling at it tightly. He touched her lightly on the shoulder, and she responded by punching Magnus square in the face.

'FUCK!' Magnus waved a hand and Isabelle's eyes closed, and she slid to the floor.

Alec looked at Magnus and then at his sister, 'WHAT DID YOU DO THAT FOR?'

Magnus looked at Alec, blood streaming from both nostrils, and raised an eyebrow. Alec sighed walked over to his boyfriend, 'Yeah, ok... Are you alright?'

Magnus smirked and with another wave of his hand, his face, nose, makeup and shirt were all returned to their pristine condition, 'Perfectly fine darling. But really, she was going to hurt someone. Or herself.' Magnus paused and tilted his head, examining Isabelle carefully.

Something was wrong.

Dropping to his haunches, he touched his hand to Isabelle's black tank top. His fingers came away wet. Lifting the edge of her singlet, he exposed a mess of cuts. They were made quickly and without thought.

Alec dropped down to crouch next to his boyfriend, 'How the hell didn't I notice...?' He looked at Magnus, who didn't seem surprised.

'Did you know?'

Magnus shook his head, 'Not really. I had some suspicions. Some things she said when we were looking after you made me wonder, but I never got around to talking to her about it.'

Alec's face fell at the mention of his own struggles and Magnus slipped an arm around his waist, pulling him close to his own body. 'Hey, it's going to be fine. We know now, and we can help her.'

Alec nodded gently and scooped Isabelle up in his arms, 'Portal us back to the loft?'

Before he had even finished speaking, Alec was engulfed but a whirl or purple and blue. He opened his eyes to find himself in the spare room of the apartment he shared with Magnus. Gently, Alec lay his baby sister on the bed. He quickly took off her boots and whip as Magnus stripped the young Shadowhunter of her singlet and jeans. He sucked in a breath at the lines littering the young woman's body. There was little the warlock could do about the older scars, but the ones that still needed to heal? He could definitely take care of those.

As Magnus worked on Isabelle he spoke to Alec, 'The enchantment she is under will give her dreamless sleep for 7 hours. So she should wake sometime around', he glanced at the clock on the wall, '11 am. I'll be done here soon. Go to bed and try to get some sleep. I feel like you'll need it for tomorrow.'

Nodding, Alec brushed the hair back from Isabelle's face, 'Do you think I should text Jace? At the very least he should know where Iz is...'

Magnus bit his lip, 'That's up to you. I can't imagine Isabelle will take too kindly to anyone knowing she needs help but at the same time, she will need her family to lean on.'

Alec made a noise of understanding, 'I'm going to call him. Take care of her and come to bed soon.'

Alec's warlock smiled at him and nodded.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was really hard for me to write and I am not happy with it.  
> When I have a full meltdown, I basically go non-verbal, but that doesn't translate so well into text, so it has taken me a bit of time to work out how to put the feelings I'm trying to get across into words. Because honestly, to me, feelings don't really come with words. They just come with... Well... Feelings...
> 
> So yeah. Sorry it took so long. Sorry it reads like shit.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always with this one, TW for self-harm. Again, nothing graphic, but I kinda find the thought patterns behind th actual event just as triggering.
> 
> I may have triggered myself writing this.
> 
> I may be a moron.

  
When Isabelle woke, it was to find herself in the spare room of Magus's apartment. Sitting up slightly, she frowned as she tried to scour her memory of the previous night. She remembered feeling like shit. She remembered drinking too much...

She remembered Alec saying something to her.

Isabelle squeezed her eyes shut as the conversation she and Alec had in the office of Pandemonium came back to her. Alec had seen her at her worst, had been confused. He had tried to comfort her, and Isabelle had responded by punching his boyfriend in the face.

 _Fuck_.

Isabelle kicked off the blankets and sat on the edge of the bed. She dug her fingers into her hair and pushed the heels of her hands into her eyes.

Everything hurt.

Her fists, her legs, not to mention the hangover that was sawing her head in half.

Pushing off the bed, Isabelle stalked into the ensuite bathroom and turned on the shower. Stepping into the welcome warmth, she sunk to the floor and rested her head on her knees. Slowly, the Shadowhunter noticed a pressure at the back of her eyes, like a feeling slowly creeping up on her. She tried to focus on the feel of the water running over her body, the feel of it hitting her shoulders and the warmth it brought, but it couldn't stop the image from forming in her mind.

Screwing her eyes shut and gritting her teeth, Isabelle tried to force the thoughts away, but they were insistent.

Isabelle sat, frozen. A captive audience to her mind as it played images of blood and pain on repeat. Quiet whispers promising to stop if only she would follow through.

Her entire body was tense. She barely noticed herself shaking, her fist beginning to hit against the tiles in a constant, repetitive pattern, growing with intensity as she fought.

°ºOº°

Jace sat in the living room of Magnus's loft. The situation was eerily familiar. The Lightwoods gathered around the warlock's coffee table, discussing how to best look after one of their own, how to drag one of their siblings out of the dark hole they found themselves in.

And once again, Jace found himself feeling left out. Once again, he didn't notice one of his siblings was struggling, fighting to get through the day.

Some brother he was...

The sound of the shower broke Jace out of his silent scolding. The three men turned to look in the direction of the spare room. It was Alec who spoke, 'Should we go and check on her...?'

Jace bit his lip, 'It probably shouldn't be me, Iz doesn't know I know anything is wrong. And since she punched Magnus, I'd suggest it isn't him either. Looks like you're up brother!'

Alec nodded and left his position on the couch, walking quietly towards the spare room.

Stepping into the bathroom, Alec looked down at his baby sister. She was curled up on the floor of the shower, eyes closed, face tense, knuckles hitting the tiles of the wall next to her in a steady rhythm. The water hit her fist and ran off in pink droplets. Alec shut off the taps and grabbed a towel.

Stepping into the stall, he wrapped Isabelle up and tilted her chin so she met his eyes. He pushed her wet hair off her face.

'It won't go away Alec.' Her voice was small, hesitant.

'What won't?'

Isabelle closed her eyes and tucked herself against her oldest brother's chest, 'My brain won't stop. It just keeps saying how shit I am. How much I deserve to be in pain.'

Alec sighed and pulled back from Isabelle, looking at her, her face drawn and her eyes tired. 'Iz, do you trust me?'

Isabelle cocked her head, the tired pain leaving her face for a second, confusion taking its place. 'Of course.'

Alec rose slightly to allow himself access to his back pocket. Carefully he drew out his stele. 'I'm going to Mark you with something.'

Confusion was evident on Isabelle's face, but at her brother's asking, she dropped the towel slightly, giving him access to her upper chest.

With practised motions, Alec began to trace a Rune onto his sister's chest. It was a new Rune. One that had sent Clary and Jace bursting into Magnus and Alec's living room only six short weeks ago.

Isabelle closed her eyes as her brother worked. Sighing gently as the stinging pain of the Rune quieted the images slightly. To her surprise, when Alec returned his Stele to his pocket, the pressure at the back of her mind was manageable. It didn't disappear, but for the first time in months, Isabelle could think freely.

It was like looking at her negative emotions through a window. She could see them, could hear them, but they couldn't quite reach her.

Opening her eyes, she met Alec's. He looked at her, a sad, but knowing smile tugging on the corner of his lips. 'What Rune is this?'

'Clary came to me a few weeks back. I was still struggling, and she said she had something that would help. A new Rune had come to her, it's kinda like an iratze. The best way I can describe what it does is it lets you take a step back from the downward spiral. Let's you separate yourself from the negative feelings for a bit.'

Alec smiled at his sister, 'It gives me just enough room to talk myself out of the panic, or shame spiral or whatever I'm stuck in at the time.'

Isabelle nodded slightly, 'I can see what you mean. Like, all the bad thoughts are there still, but I can separate myself from them enough to remember that there are other options...'

'Yeah, basically... It doesn't last forever, though. Just like an iratze, it fades with use. At first, I had to reapply it once or twice a day, more if I had a panic attack.'

Isabelle furrowed her brow, 'Does that mean that I'll be stuck reapplying a Rune for the rest of my life?'

Alec smiled gently, 'I'm not sure... Magnus thinks that I'll kinda wean myself off it as I get better. So far it looks like he is right. Now it lasts for a couple of days before it fades.' Alec pulled down the neck of his shirt to show Isabelle the Rune. It sat right over his heart.

Slowly, Isabelle raised a hand and touched the Mark gently, 'I don't want to have to rely on a Rune just to function...'

Alec stood up, pulling Isabelle with him and leading her back into the bedroom where clean, dry clothes were waiting for her. 'I said the same thing to Magnus. I didn't want to be dependant on anything. It felt like a crutch.' He sat on the edge of the bed and looked away, allowing his sister some privacy as she got dressed.

'What changed then? You're obviously ok with it now...'

Alec turned around and looked at Isabelle, who was now sitting next to him on the bed. She was wearing a pair of Magnus's pyjama pants and one of Alec's old t-shirts. He put an arm around her shoulder and drew her into a hug.

'Magnus pointed out that I already relied on Runes for hearing, sight, strength and endurance. There really wasn't a good reason not to use one to help my mind. We have spent so much of out lives being told that any flaw is a weakness and that every mistake needs to be punished. Part of that is on mom and dad, but a lot of it is part of the Nephilim culture. And it's wrong.

'There is no shame in screwing up. It's part of learning, not something you need to be disciplined for. You shouldn't have to hurt yourself to deal with guilt or shame, just like I don't have to give things up to feel like I am trying hard enough. We have stopped wars, saved countless lives, protected the people, mundane, Nephilim and Downworlder alike, for the majority of our lives. It is ok to take some time to protect yourself.'

Isabelle leant into her brother's chest. Her eyes were closed, and tears were rolling down her cheeks.

They sat like that for a long time. Alec's shirt soaking up the tears Isabelle hadn't known she needed to cry as he murmured words of love and support. After some time, Alec turned and lifted Isabelle's chin. With his free hand, he brushed the tears from her cheeks. 'Come on, let's go into the living room. Jace is here, and I know he want's to see you. You also need to eat something and probably take some painkillers. I'm going to hazard a guess that between the hangover and the crying, your head feels like it was run over by a steamroller.'

Isabelle laughed gently, 'You're not wrong...' She took the hand Alec offered and allowed herself to be pulled onto her feet and walked out of the bedroom.

°ºOº°

Magnus and Jace were perched on the back of the couch, staring intently at the closed bedroom door. It felt like it had been an age since Alec left to talk to Isabelle, and Jace was fidgeting. Magnus could feel the nervous energy running under the blonde's skin, and he placed a hand on Jace's arm to keep him still.

'Alec will be out soon, calm. Everything will be alright.'

No sooner than Jace nodded in understanding, Alec walked out of the bedroom, leading an uncharacteristically quiet Isabelle by the hand. She looked small, almost childlike. It was almost like Isabelle had folded in on herself. Jace shot to his feet, but remained where he was, waiting for Isabelle to come to him.

As she walked into Jace's waiting arms, Alec walked to his boyfriend and allowed himself to be pulled into a tight hug. Magnus brushed his lips to Alec's ears, 'You ok?' he whispered, quietly enough that only Alec could hear him.

Alec just nodded in reply, taking strength from the feel of Magnus's skin on his. Magnus pressed a kiss to the corner of Alec's jaw before turning to the other two Lightwood children, 'I think this occasion calls for some pancakes.'

Magnus snapped his fingers, and the smaller kitchen dining table was now laden with a variety of breakfast foods, including the aforementioned pancakes. Alec spotted the bowl of fruit salad and thanked the Angel for a partner as understanding as Magnus. Alec was still getting used to the concept of making time for meals, let alone eating something purely for enjoyment. Pancakes were on his list of things to challenge himself over, but Alec felt he had enough emotional turmoil for the day.

Jace grabbed a small mountain of pancakes and slapped them onto Isabelle's plate. He then buried them in an avalanche of syrup and berries. Turning around, he grabbed his sister by the hand and guided her to a chair.

Sitting down, Isabelle looked around the apartment, 'Jace, where's Clary?'

Jace shrugged, 'I told her I had to do a family thing and she had to entertain herself for the day.' He stared at his own stack of pancakes for a second before looking up at Isabelle, 'I know I haven't been around as much as I should have. I didn't know you needed help until Alec called me last night.'

Isabelle went to open her mouth, but Jace cut her off, 'I'm sorry I didn't notice how much you were struggling. I left you alone at the Institute more often than not, and I'm sorry.'

Alec nodded, 'Jace and I, we've been so caught up in our own things that we didn't realise that we stopped looking out for each other, stopped looking out for you. You've always been here for me, it's time for me to return the favour.'

Isabelle looked around the table at her brothers and Magnus, they were all gazing intently at her, their expressions filled with love. Unsure of what to say, she just smiled and tucked into her pancakes.

°ºOº°

Isabelle would never say that it was ever easy to claw her way out of the hole she found herself in, and she would never say that it was a fun experience. But she would tell you that something about it brought her family closer together.

Robert and Maryse never knew a thing was awry. Let's be honest, they didn't do a lot of parenting at the best of times, let alone when their children actually needed them. But between watching Alec crumble, Jace deal with the whole Valentine saga and Isabelle falling victim to her own demons, the three of the Lightwood siblings realised that it was ok to lean on each other. They realised that no good came of shutting the ones you love out even if your mind twists your perception to make it seem like there was no other option.

Isabelle learned that she could call her brothers at any time and that there would be no judgement from the other end of the line. She also discovered the value of bonding with people outside the Institute. There was nothing quite as grounding as listening to Maia talk about werewolf things or watching trashy TV with Magnus.

She still saw Simon, they became good friends, but nothing more. Well, except for that one time after 2 bottles of champagne on New Year's Eve, but that's another story for another time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like the ending is a little rushed... But there are going to be a series of oneshots to follow up on part 1 and 2 of The Kids Aren't Alright. Now that I've got the main stories done, I'm going to look at doing a few ~2000 word stories. Mostly Alec and Isabelle, that will fit into this narrative.
> 
> Anyway, let me know what you think. I am also taking prompts, ideas etc for future stories in this series.

**Author's Note:**

> Also I now have tumblr, so drop by and say hi!  
> catelynjoneswrites.tumblr.com


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